[00:00.88]**2009, I'd been dating my high school girlfriend Karen for a few weeks.
[00:00.88]2009年的三月 我和我的高中同学Karen 约会了一段时间
[00:05.36]My friends couldn't have been happier about it.
[00:05.36]我的朋友们对此是"兴奋不已"
[00:07.29]- Hey,everybody. - Hello.
[00:07.29]- 嘿 大家好 - 好
[00:09.88]Sorry,we,uh, we can't stay long.
[00:09.88]抱歉 我们不能久留
[00:12.24]- What a shame! - That is sad!
[00:12.24]- 呀 真是太可惜了! - 真不巧!
[00:14.16]Hey,are those real diamond earrings?
[00:14.16]嘿 你那耳环是真钻的吗
[00:15.92]Yes. Yes,they are. Thank you.
[00:15.92]是啊 是啊 谢谢~
[00:19.07]I didn't say I liked them.
[00:19.07]我没说我喜欢
[00:21.80]Oh,well,I got a great deal on them,so...
[00:21.80]哦 那好吧 我是捡了个大便宜 所以...
[00:23.87]Cool. I'm sure all the exploited diamond miners in Sierra Leone would give you a high-five
[00:23.87]是嘛 我肯定塞拉利昂那些被剥削的 钻石矿工会跟你击掌致庆的
[00:27.57]if they still had all their fingers. But really pretty.
[00:27.57]前提是他们得五指齐全 不过确实挺好看的
[00:31.82]Meet me upstairs.
[00:31.82]我在楼上等你
[00:33.61]They only need one finger to give her what I'm thinking.
[00:33.61]我对她的看法只用一个指头就能说明了 (意思竖中指)
[00:35.93]Yeah. Ted, Karen's a douche.
[00:35.93]没错 Ted  Karen是个傻逼
[00:39.92]Thanks for sugarcoating it.
[00:39.92]不好意思能客气点吗
[00:40.97]"Douche"is sugarcoating it.
[00:40.97]说她"傻逼"已经很客气了
[00:42.76]Uh,okay, believe it or not,my friends do not get a vote on who I date.
[00:42.76]好了 不管怎么说 你们不能决定 我该跟谁约会
[00:46.97]It's my life. I call the shots.
[00:46.97]我的生活我做主
[00:48.93]- Ted,now! - Yeah,coming!
[00:48.93]- Ted 快点! - 在 来了!
[00:52.14]I don't know what Ted sees in that horrible woman.
[00:52.14]真不知道Ted看上那猛女哪点
[00:56.18]I mean,yeah, she's got boobs, but...
[00:56.18]没错 她有胸 不过...
[00:58.76]well, I guess I get it.
[00:58.76]哦 我明白了
[01:00.41]I think it's 'cause they met in high school.
[01:00.41]是因为他们在高中时候就认识吗
[01:02.49]She was his first real girlfriend.
[01:02.49]她应该算是他的第一个正式女友
[01:04.48]We look at Karen and see a jerk.
[01:04.48]在我们眼里Karen就是个贱人
[01:06.42]Ted looks at Karen and sees the first person to touch his wiener besides himself,
[01:06.42]可在Ted眼里 她就是除掉他自己
[01:09.90]his mom,and his pediatrician.
[01:09.90]他老妈跟他儿科医生以外 第一个碰他小弟弟的人了
[01:11.87]Okay,well,it's almost 2:00 A.M. I better get ready for work.
[01:11.87]好了 快凌晨2点了  我得准备去上班了
[01:14.33]How can they call that thing you're on a "morning show"?
[01:14.33]他们怎么说你的节目是早间节目?
[01:17.74]4:00 A.M.is still the middle of the night.
[01:17.74]凌晨4点是大半夜
[01:20.30]I don't see how you do it.
[01:20.30]真不知道你怎么做到的
[01:21.76]It's been almost a month. I'm used to it.
[01:21.76]已经快一个月了 我都习惯了
[01:24.59]Plus the show's not half bad,right?
[01:24.59]再说这节目也没那么差 对吧
[01:26.52]- Totally. - I've never seen it.
[01:26.52]- 那一定的 - 从没看过
[01:29.44]Have you guys ever watched it?
[01:29.44]你们到底看过没?
[01:30.80]- Of course! - I've never seen it.
[01:30.80]- 当然看了! - 我没看过
[01:32.64]Really? What is your favorite segment?
[01:32.64]是吗 那你们最喜欢哪一部分?
[01:34.37]- Weather. - I've never seen it.
[01:34.37]- 天气预报 - 我没看过
[01:35.64]- You guys have never seen my show. - Sorry.
[01:35.64]- 你们根本就没看过 - 抱歉
[01:37.55]- It's true. - That's what I've been saying.
[01:37.55]- 嗯 - 我一直在跟你说没看过
[01:40.13]Okay,yes,it's dull and generic and we get spanked in the ratings by that Korean channel
[01:40.13]好吧 我承认 节目很闷 很平淡 收视率甚至都赶不上一个播放
[01:44.75]that only shows Kim Jong Il riding a horse,
[01:44.75]金正日骑马画面的朝鲜电视台
[01:47.54]but guys,it would mean so much to me if just once I knew my friends were out there watching.
[01:47.54]不过 如果我知道我的朋友们正在看我的节目 哪怕只有一次 我也会觉得意义非凡
[01:54.86]I'll tell you what.
[01:54.86]我有个主意
[01:56.08]This Friday morning, everyone can come to our place 3:30 A.M.
[01:56.08]周五早上3点半 大家都来我们家
[01:59.36]We'll all put on PJs. We'll watch Robin's show.
[01:59.36]我们穿着睡衣 一起看Robin的节目
[02:02.22]Aw,you guys are the best.
[02:02.22]哇 你们最好了
[02:04.60]We just want to support you.
[02:04.60]我们只想支持你
[02:05.99]3:30***
[02:05.99]{\a6}周五凌晨3:30
[02:06.41]I just want to go to sleep!
[02:06.41]我只想睡觉!
[02:09.43]I hate Robin for not being more successful.
[02:09.43]Robin怎么就不能更有出息点
[02:13.07]Hey,guys.
[02:13.07]嘿 伙计们
[02:15.98]Sad announcement: Karen broke up with me.
[02:15.98]坏消息 Karen跟我分手了
[02:21.99]Go ahead.
[02:21.99]别憋着了
[02:23.26]I knew you were listening! Yes!
[02:23.26]我就知道你会听我们的话! 耶!
[02:38.98]How I Met Your Mother Season04 Episode17
[02:38.98]老爸老妈浪漫史 第四季 第17集[02:40.98]Hey,hey, we shouldn't be celebrating.
[02:40.98]嘿 嘿 我们不能幸灾乐祸
[02:44.08]Ted's just been through a bad breakup.
[02:44.08]Ted刚刚分手了唉
[02:46.92]Look,buddy,tell us everything. Tell us what happened.
[02:46.92]听着 伙计 跟我们说说是怎么回事
[02:49.57]Seriously,spare no details.
[02:49.57]慢慢讲没关系 细节也别漏过
[02:51.78]What did she say? What did you say? How did it feel?
[02:51.78]她怎么说? 你又怎么说?  当时什么感觉?
[02:56.17]If you were to do it again, all over,would you maybe...
[02:56.17]如果给你一次重来的机会 你会不会...
[03:01.78]How did it happen?
[03:01.78]怎么一回事?
[03:03.64]It was the stupidest thing.
[03:03.64]实在是太荒谬了
[03:04.94]I mean,we were just hanging out, you know,being funny...
[03:04.94]我们就在一块儿玩呗 打打闹闹的...
[03:09.15]You're the fan of 2002 Chiantis.
[03:09.15]你最喜欢02年酿吉安蒂红葡萄酒
[03:11.58]Ew,no,you're the fan of 2002 Chiantis.
[03:11.58]才没有 那是你的最爱
[03:15.88]Wait. What is this?
[03:15.88]等等 这是什么?
[03:18.91]Looks like one of Robin's earrings. That's weird.
[03:18.91]看上去像是Robin的耳环 真奇怪
[03:21.79]- You're the fan... - How did it get in your bed?
[03:21.79]- 你才最喜欢... - 怎么会在你床上的?
[03:24.40]I don't know.
[03:24.40]不知道
[03:25.98]Have you been sleeping with Robin?
[03:25.98]你跟Robin在鬼混?
[03:27.63]What? No,of course not!
[03:27.63]什么? 当然没有啊!
[03:29.22]It,it probably got mixed in with the laundry or something.
[03:29.22]有可能是跟衣服混一起了吧
[03:31.89]Why should I believe you?
[03:31.89]我凭啥信你?
[03:33.32]Um,maybe because I've alwaysbeen faithful to you
[03:33.32]呃 因为我对你一直忠心不二
[03:36.27]while you've cheated on me, like,six times,bitch.
[03:36.27]你却让我戴了差不多6次绿帽子 贱人
[03:39.54]- Oh,snap! - Cold-blooded!
[03:39.54]- 噢 牛! - 够损吧!
[03:41.06]Right? Right?
[03:41.06]是吧
[03:43.28]I totally should have said that.
[03:43.28]我真该那么说的
[03:45.56]Why should I believe you?
[03:45.56]我凭啥信你?
[03:46.97]Um,maybe because I'vealwaysbeen faithful to you while you...
[03:46.97]呃 因为我一直对你忠心不二 而你...
[03:53.40]I love you...
[03:53.40]我爱你...
[03:56.02]I knew this was a mistake. That's it. It's over.
[03:56.02]我就知道不该这样 好了 我们玩完了
[04:01.58]And that was it. She left.
[04:01.58]就这样 她走了
[04:04.51]What a story.
[04:04.51]讲得真好
[04:05.82]So brave of you to share that.
[04:05.82]你能跟我们分享真是太有勇气了
[04:08.37]Wait. Thoseare your pajamas?
[04:08.37]等等 你那是睡衣?
[04:11.23]You sleep in a pajama suit?
[04:11.23]你穿着睡衣西装睡觉?
[04:13.27]Of course. What do you think I sleep in?
[04:13.27]当然了 不然你觉得我该穿什么睡? (后面Ted故意理解为 "我该睡哪儿")
[04:15.69]A coffin.
[04:15.69]睡棺材里
[04:17.48]Dude,that doesn't look comfortable at all.
[04:17.48]老兄 那看起来一点都不舒服
[04:20.21]You're wearing a tie.
[04:20.21]你还打领带
[04:21.58]First of all, it's a sleeping cravat.
[04:21.58]首先 这是"睡带"
[04:24.55]Second,it's not about comfort.
[04:24.55]其次 这跟舒不舒服无关
[04:26.94]It's about looking good all the time.
[04:26.94]关键是要在任何时候到衣着光鲜
[04:29.45]Why do you have to look good all the time?
[04:29.45]你干嘛要在任何时候都衣着光鲜?
[04:31.62]Marshall,let me tell you a little story about something that happened a couple months back.
[04:31.62]Marshall 那我就跟你讲讲 几个月前的一件事吧
[04:44.72]We were just having a "Who's hornier" contest and we spilled massage oil all over ourselves.
[04:44.72]我们比"谁更淫荡" 身上抹得全是按摩油
[04:49.97]Nice pajamas.
[04:49.97]睡衣真酷
[04:51.17]Can we use your shower?
[04:51.17]我们能用用你的浴室吗
[04:55.41]That's not a memory. That's from a porn movie.
[04:55.41]那才不是发生在你身上的 分明就是A片里的桥段
[04:58.14]Not just any movie. That's the exact scene from...
[04:58.14]也不是任何一部电影啦 刚好就是那个...里面的场景
[05:02.16]Never mind.
[05:02.16]不说了
[05:03.85]The point is itcouldhappen.
[05:03.85]关键是随时都有可能发生
[05:06.19]And if it did,and I didn't look my absolute best for those greasy sluts, I'd regret it forever.
[05:06.19]如果真那样 而我在那些油腻腻的小骚货眼里 又不是最佳状态的话 我会抱憾终身的
[05:12.89]I'm sorry,dude, but that is just the most ridiculous sleeping attire I've ever seen in my life.
[05:12.89]抱歉 老兄 不过你这是我这辈子见过的 最可笑的睡衣了
[05:17.45]Anyway...
[05:17.45]总之...
[05:19.52]Marshall's wearing a nightgown! Marshall's wearing a nightgown!
[05:19.52]Marshall穿女士睡衣! 他竟然穿女士睡衣!
[05:23.13]Hey,guys,you know how in the future we're always saying "Remember when Marshall wore a nightgown"?
[05:23.13]嘿 你们能想象我们以后会拿"还记得 Marshall穿女士睡衣那会儿"来取笑他的场景吗?
[05:25.94]This is that time!
[05:25.94]就是现在!
[05:27.40]It's a nightshirt.
[05:27.40]这是男用睡衣
[05:28.43]You can call it a Ninja Star Danger Jock if you want.
[05:28.43]你要愿意的话叫它忍者隐身衣都行
[05:31.78]Doesn't make you any less of a cross-dresser.
[05:31.78]还是改变不了你异装癖的事实
[05:33.55]Whatever,dude. It's comfy.
[05:33.55]随你怎么说都行 我舒服就好
[05:35.94]So,flying to Neverland with Peter and Tink, was that amazing?
[05:35.94]跟小飞侠彼得潘一起飞回梦幻岛吧 感觉如何 刺激不?
[05:38.71]Ooh,let me go next!
[05:38.71]哦 我接着来!
[05:40.20]Was it nice to finally get out of that crowded bed and take Charlie to the chocolate factory?
[05:40.20]从拥挤的大床上挣脱出来 带着查理去巧克力工厂感觉很爽吧! (刁侃电影"查理与巧克力工厂")
[05:44.62]Ooh,me,me,me,me!
[05:44.62]喔 我来 我来 我来!
[05:46.33]Um,something about Scrooge!
[05:46.33]嗯 会不会有点像孤寒财主? (barney想说Marshall像幽灵)
[05:46.33](Scrooge--1988电影  里面主人公穿越过去 现在 未来)
[05:49.61]Come on,guys. I'm carrying the team.
[05:49.61]快点 伙计们 全是我说的
[05:52.13]I don't know. I lived with Marshall for 12 years.
[05:52.13]我不知道 我跟Marshall一起住了12年了
[05:54.76]Any time he's wearing clothes at all,it's a victory.
[05:54.76]他能穿衣服 就算胜利
[06:00.33]Ted,show's about to start!
[06:00.33]Ted 节目要开始了!
[06:01.96]Be right there!
[06:01.96]马上就来!
[06:17.00]Good morning,New York. I'm Robin...
[06:17.00]早安 纽约 我是Robin...
[06:21.61]Marshall,I just found Robin's earring on your dresser.
[06:21.61]Marshall 我刚在你的柜子上 看见Robin的耳环
[06:24.82]Did you have something to do with the other one being in my bed?
[06:24.82]我床上的另一只是你搞的鬼吗?
[06:27.19]What are you talking about?
[06:27.19]你说啥?
[06:28.12]You've always hated Karen. You've been telling me to break up with her.
[06:28.12]你一直不喜欢Karen  一直劝我跟她分手
[06:31.29]You did it. You-you put the earring in my bed so that Karen would find it.
[06:31.29]是你干的 你故意把耳环放我床上 好让Karen找到
[06:34.95]No,Ted,No! I would never...
[06:34.95]不 Ted 我没有 我决不会...
[06:36.14]- Admit it! - There's nothing to admit!
[06:36.14]- 你就招了吧! - 我没什么可招的啊!
[06:37.98]Then why was Robin's earring on your dresser?
[06:37.98]那为什么Robin的耳环会在我的床上?
[06:39.74]He was accessorizing!
[06:39.74]他在给你做装饰嘛! (嘲讽Marshall像女人)
[06:41.64]Marshall,I swear to God,if you don't tell me the truth right now...
[06:41.64]Marshall 我发誓 如果你现在 不跟我说实话...
[06:44.51]Wait! Marshall didn't do it.
[06:44.51]等等!不是Marshall干的
[06:48.88]I did.
[06:48.88]是我
[06:50.50]I broke you and Karen up.
[06:50.50]是我拆散你跟Karen的
[06:58.32]You broke me and Karen up? Are you insane?
[06:58.32]你拆散我跟Karen? 你疯了吧?
[07:01.80]What gives you the right to do that?
[07:01.80]你有什么权力那么做?
[07:03.22]Ted,I did it for your own good.
[07:03.22]Ted 我是为了你好
[07:05.35]You just weren't seeing how awful she was.
[07:05.35]你是不知道她有多恶心
[07:08.67]She failed the Front Porch Test.
[07:08.67]她没通过我们前廊测试
[07:10.94]What's the Front Porch Test?
[07:10.94]什么前廊测试?
[07:13.10]Ted,you,me,and Marshall have been best friends since college.
[07:13.10]Ted 你 我跟Marshall从大学开始 就是最好的朋友
[07:17.02]Think about how much we all mean to each other.
[07:17.02]想想我们对彼此的意义
[07:20.15]So when I picture the future, I picture us all together.
[07:20.15]所以当我瞭望将来的时候 我会想到我们在一起的画面
[07:23.81]How we'll all be retired, sipping tea on the front porch of our beach house,
[07:23.81]我们退休之后 在海边别墅的前廊上 一边饮茶
[07:28.08]playing bridge all day.
[07:28.08]一边打桥牌
[07:29.93]Okay,bridges are wild.
[07:29.93]好的 桥最厉害 (不懂桥牌 完全yy)
[07:32.46]Four of a bridge beats a royal bridge.
[07:32.46]四张平民桥大过一张皇室桥
[07:35.11]I see your bridge and I raise you three bridges.
[07:35.11]我跟你一张桥 再加注三张
[07:38.95]Bridge! I win!
[07:38.95]桥! 我赢了!
[07:41.57]You have no idea how to play bridge,do you?
[07:41.57]你根本不懂怎么打桥牌对吧
[07:43.71]We're gonna take a class.
[07:43.71]我们会学的
[07:44.85]It's important to stay active.
[07:44.85]老了也必须保持头脑灵活
[07:47.35]So whenever you've been dating somebody for a while, I do the Front Porch Test.
[07:47.35]所以不管你跟谁约会  我都会做一个前廊测试
[07:52.34]You know,how is this person gonna fit in with our group over the years?
[07:52.34]看看那个人能不能融入我们集体
[07:56.43]And when I think about Karen there...
[07:56.43]可我一想到Karen...
[07:58.88]Bridge! I win!
[07:58.88]桥! 我赢了!
[08:01.11]Fantastic. Another game of bridge.
[08:01.11]好极了 又是桥
[08:03.54]Don't read a book or anything.
[08:03.54]书也用不着读了
[08:05.85]Look,dear... dolphins.
[08:05.85]看 亲爱的 海豚耶
[08:08.93]They seem happy.
[08:08.93]他们看上去挺快活的
[08:10.35]I guess the chemical runoff from this elitist beachfront property hasn't rotted out their blowholes yet.
[08:10.35]但愿这片富饶海滩别墅群的生活污水 不会堵塞了他们的喷水口 (海豚能喷水嘛 那是鲸鱼吧 = =|)
[08:15.49]It will. That water will kill you.
[08:15.49]肯定会的 那水也会害了你们自己
[08:18.24]It is a toxic deathtrap.
[08:18.24]这是自掘坟墓
[08:20.77]I'm gonna take a dip.
[08:20.77]我想去嘘嘘
[08:22.18]I'll join you.
[08:22.18]跟你一起
[08:24.06]Karen failed the Front Porch Test. She had to go.
[08:24.06]Karen没有通过前廊测试 她必须走
[08:27.23]I can't believe you did that.
[08:27.23]真不敢相信你竟然这样
[08:29.57]Ted,think about how awesome you,me,and Marshall are.
[08:29.57]Ted 想想就你 我 Marshall该有多快活
[08:32.93]Seriously think about it.
[08:32.93]仔细想想
[08:39.21]- We're pretty awesome. - We're totally awesome!
[08:39.21]- 我们在一起确实不错 - 相当不错!
[08:41.62]So whoever you marry, whoever joins Team Awesome,
[08:41.62]所以不管你将来要娶谁 都将成为我们当中的一员
[08:45.97]the bar is set pretty damn high.
[08:45.97]这标准相当之高
[08:49.11]Look, I'm not saying what I did was right,but...
[08:49.11]听着 我不是在为自己辩解 不过...
[08:52.10]You're better off without her.
[08:52.10]没有她你会更好
[08:53.43]And if Clarence the angel says it's true,it must be true.
[08:53.43]如果连天使Clarence都这么说 那就一定没错了 (Clarence the Angel 1980年电影)
[08:56.26]Okay,you know what? Fine,make your little jokes.
[08:56.26]好了 你尽管开你的玩笑好了 我不怕
[08:58.73]Seriously,why would you wear something like that?
[08:58.73]说真的 你干嘛要穿成那样?
[09:00.42]- Lots of reasons. - I bet you can't name five.
[09:00.42]- 原因多了去了 - 我赌你说不出5个
[09:03.16]One: No need to wear anything underneath.
[09:03.16]1:不用穿内裤
[09:05.27]I can vouch for that. Will you cross your legs,buddy?
[09:05.27]我能证明那点 你能把腿合上吗
[09:07.42]Two: Sexy.
[09:07.42]2:性感
[09:09.33]I can vouch for that.
[09:09.33]这点我能证明
[09:10.56]Will you uncross your legs, buddy?
[09:10.56]能把腿打开吗 哥们
[09:13.25]Three: My Grandpa Olaf wore one and he lived to be 107.
[09:13.25]3:我的爷爷Olaf也这么穿 结果他活到107岁
[09:17.01]Four: No elastic waistband leaving its judgmental pink teeth marks around my Thanksgiving belly.
[09:17.01]4:没有弹性腰带在我的大肚腩上 留下小粉嫩的齿痕
[09:22.14]And five: Every night when I go to sleep, it's the freest,
[09:22.14]5: 每晚我睡觉时 都能感觉到一种最自由的
[09:27.57]most wonderful feeling in the world.
[09:27.57]世上最棒的感觉
[09:29.68]I feel... like I'm flying.
[09:29.68]我感觉...像是在飞
[09:38.46]So that's how I go to bed every night: happy, weightless.
[09:38.46]这就是我每晚入睡时的感觉:快乐 无负担
[09:42.57]with a heart full of joy. What about you?
[09:42.57]满心愉悦 你呢?
[09:46.51]I have to lie perfectly still so I don't wrinkle my suit-jamas.
[09:46.51]我必须规规矩矩的躺平了 才能避免把我的西装睡衣弄皱
[09:51.34]But at least I'm not wearing a dress.
[09:51.34]但至少 我穿的可不是睡裙
[09:54.96]So... how mad are you?
[09:54.96]那么...你很生气吗?
[09:57.84]I don't know.I mean,
[09:57.84]我不知道 
[09:59.65]I guess if you guys feel that strongly about Karen,then maybe it was for the best.
[09:59.65]如果你们真的那么厌恶Karen 或许这是最好的结局吧
[10:04.49]I really am sorry.
[10:04.49]我真的很抱歉
[10:06.10]I hated doing that again, but Karen had to go.
[10:06.10]我也很讨厌故技重施 但是Karen必须得走人
[10:10.59]"Again"? Wait. How many times have you broken me up with a girlfriend?
[10:10.59]"故技重施"? 等等 你拆散了多少回我和女友?
[10:15.15]Never! Six.
[10:15.15]没有的事! 6回吧
[10:17.06]- Like who? - No one! Angie.
[10:17.06]- 比如说谁? - 没有! Angie吧
[10:20.51]Sophomore year.
[10:20.51]大二的时候
[10:22.66]She was just using you to get back at her ex, and you clearly didn't see it,
[10:22.66]她要利用你来报复他的前男友 而你被蒙在鼓里
[10:27.02]so one day when she was taking a nap...
[10:27.02]有天当她睡觉的时候...
[10:45.70]Creed?
[10:45.70]Creed? (著名摇滚乐队)
[10:48.46]Oh,my God, I have to break up with her.
[10:48.46]哦 天啊 我要跟她分手
[10:52.22]So that's where my Creed CD went.
[10:52.22]原来我Creed的CD是这么不见的
[10:55.13]Who else?
[10:55.13]还有谁?
[10:56.50]Remember that weird sci-fi girl who wanted you to propose after,like,two months?
[10:56.50]还记得那个神叨叨的喜欢科幻的女孩么 就是才交往2个月就希望你求婚的那个?
[11:01.69]You barely even liked her, but you were still thinking about it,so...
[11:01.69]你跟她感情也就勉勉强强 但你还真考虑求婚这事了 所以...
[11:08.38]Listen,Ted, you're great, and this is so difficult,
[11:08.38]听着 Ted 你很好 这话很难说出口
[11:12.76]but I think we're looking for different things.
[11:12.76]但是我觉得我们追求不一样
[11:15.64]So,live long and prosper. Or whatever.
[11:15.64]那么祝你长命百岁 随便吧
[11:25.32]That was you? This is insane!
[11:25.32]那人是你? 你疯了!
[11:28.06]Ted,I did those things to help you.
[11:28.06]Ted 我做这些是为了帮你
[11:30.35]You're a commitment junkie.
[11:30.35]你就是个恋爱成瘾了
[11:32.41]You fall in love with these women, even if they don't deserve you.
[11:32.41]你爱上这些女人 即使她们不值得你爱
[11:35.89]What if one of those women was supposed to be the mother of my children?
[11:35.89]万一这些人中会有一个是我孩子的老妈呢?
[11:38.51]If there was ever the tiniest chance of that, I swear I didn't do anything.
[11:38.51]如果真有万分之一的机会 我发誓我是不会这样做的
[11:42.42]Like with Victoria or Stella.
[11:42.42]比如Victoria和Stella
[11:44.80]Or Robin.
[11:44.80]或者Robin
[11:47.63]Or Robin.
[11:47.63]或者Robin
[11:49.48]Robin,Robin.
[11:49.48]Robin Robin
[11:51.61]Did you break us up,too?
[11:51.61]你也把我们拆散了?
[11:54.27]Did you break us up,too?
[11:54.27]你也把我们拆散了?
[11:56.33]Stop talking to me like I'm your enemy!
[11:56.33]别用对付敌人的口吻跟我说话!
[11:59.21]You weep for these women, but you have the luxury of not knowing what I know:
[11:59.21]你为失去这些女人难过 但是我知道很多你没有意识到的事情
[12:04.19]that those breakups, while tragic, probably saved you from a crappy
[12:04.19]那些分手的事 虽然悲痛 却可能挽救了一段糟糕的
[12:08.15]and very expensive first marriage.
[12:08.15]花费昂贵的初婚
[12:10.17]Did you break me and Robin up?
[12:10.17]是你拆散了我和Robin?
[12:12.25]You don't want the truth because deep down, you want me out there watching out for you.
[12:12.25]你不会想知道事实的 你越深究 你越明白实际上你是希望我给你把关的
[12:16.90]And deep down, you know that none of those women were ever gonna be the mother of your children.
[12:16.90]再深究  你会发现这些女人都成不了你孩子的妈
[12:21.81]- Did you break me and Robin up? - I did what I had to do.
[12:21.81]- 是你拆散了我和Robin? - 我只做了该做的事
[12:24.22]- Did you break me and Robin up? - You're damn right I did!
[12:24.22]- 是你拆散了我和Robin? - 你说对了 是我做的!
[12:31.83]Marshall, your grandpa Olaf was a wise man.
[12:31.83]Marshall 你的爷爷Olaf真是个神人啊
[12:40.93]You broke me and Robin up?
[12:40.93]你拆散了我和Robin?
[12:42.77]- No,it's not... - I cannot believe this.
[12:42.77]- 不 不是那样的... - 我真不敢相信
[12:44.49]I need another drink.
[12:44.49]我要再喝一瓶
[12:46.55]You know,I feel a little breeze down there. It's nice.
[12:46.55]你知道 我觉得下面有点凉凉的 感觉真好
[12:48.84]Oh,you think that's something?
[12:48.84]你觉得那儿有点东西?
[12:50.33]Stand over this heating vent. It's like your junk is on a tropical island.
[12:50.33]跨在这个热风口上 感觉像是你处于热带岛屿一样
[12:56.79]Little Barney says "Mahalo."
[12:56.79]小Barney说声"谢谢" (夏威夷语言)
[12:59.28]Seriously,what is wrong with you,Lily?
[12:59.28]说真的 你到底怎么回事 Lily?
[13:01.89]How could you do that?
[13:01.89]你怎么能这么做?
[13:02.90]I did this because I care about you!
[13:02.90]我这么是因为关心你!
[13:05.15]I am so glad that is the one you watched!
[13:05.15]我真高兴你们看了这期的节目!
[13:08.57]Dear God,what happened to you?
[13:08.57]天啊 你怎么了?
[13:13.23]You didn't watch my show?
[13:13.23]你们没看我的节目?
[13:15.18]The show. Sorry.
[13:15.18]节目 对不起
[13:17.23]Something special happen?
[13:17.23]有啥有趣的事吗?
[13:20.88]Same old,same old.
[13:20.88]老掉牙的 老掉牙的
[13:23.05]Lily just told us that she broke you and me up.
[13:23.05]Lily刚说是她使得我们分手的
[13:25.62]What? Broke-broke us up? What does that even mean?
[13:25.62]什么? 使我们分手? 这是什么意思?
[13:28.77]And why are these guys wearing nightgowns?
[13:28.77]他们为啥要穿着睡袍?
[13:30.71]- Nightshirts. - Nightshirts.
[13:30.71]- 男式睡衣 - 男式睡衣
[13:31.58]- It's a nightshirt. - It's called a nightshirt,Robin.
[13:31.58]- 这是男式睡衣 - 这叫男式睡衣 Robin
[13:33.15]Turns out Lily has taken it upon herself to sabotage many of my relationships, including ours.
[13:33.15]我刚发现Lily是破坏我数段感情的 罪魁祸首 包括咱俩的 
[13:37.90]No. Robin was different. I didn't want you two to break up,
[13:37.90]不 Robin的情况不同 我不想你们分手
[13:41.37]but you wanted completely different things out of life and refused to deal with it.
[13:41.37]但是你们所要的生活方式完全不同 又都不愿意面对和解决
[13:46.53]I could just picture that front porch.
[13:46.53]我可以想象的出前廊发生的一幕
[13:49.13]Mm,two of hearts.
[13:49.13]哦 俩张桃心
[13:51.08]Just like the hearts of the two children I never had because my lovely wife hates kids.
[13:51.08]就像是我没出世的孩子的两颗心 只因我可爱的太太不喜欢孩子
[13:57.08]Mm,a deuce.
[13:57.08]呣 小二一张
[13:58.96]Exactly what my career dropped once I decided to settle down and marry Ted.
[13:58.96]事实上 为了安定下来和Ted结婚 我的事业全毁了
[14:04.37]Bridge! I win.
[14:04.37]牌连起来了! 我赢了
[14:07.84]Well,I do not like that scenario one bit.
[14:07.84]嗯 我可不喜欢这个情节
[14:15.18]A***
[14:15.18]2007年4月
[14:11.35]All I tried to do was get you guys to talk about your issues.
[14:11.35]我只不过想让你们谈谈彼此的问题而已
[14:15.40]I didn't know I was feeding you the words that would lead to your breakup.
[14:15.40]我也不知道我的那句话 成为你们分手的祸根
[14:19.40]Hey,here's a fun question, just for fun.
[14:19.40]嘿 有一个有趣的问题 问来玩一玩
[14:22.82]Where do you see yourself in five years?
[14:22.82]你觉得5年后自己会是什么样子的?
[14:25.61]l***
[14:25.61]当晚
[14:25.71]You know what's fun? Fun questions.
[14:25.71]你知道什么是有趣的嘛?  当然是有趣的问题啦
[14:28.90]Where do you see yourself in five years?
[14:28.90]你觉得5年后自己会是什么样子的?
[14:31.92]Where do you see yourself in five years?
[14:31.92]你觉得5年后自己会是什么样子的?
[14:31.72]t***
[14:31.72]第二天晚上
[14:33.77]Where do you see yourself?
[14:33.77]你觉得5年后自己会是什么样子的?
[14:35.47]Not to put words in your mouth, but you probably want to be married.
[14:35.47]别遮遮掩掩的 你可能想结婚
[14:40.00]I probably want to be married.
[14:40.00]我可能想结婚
[14:41.70]You probably want to be in Tokyo or Paris.
[14:41.70]你可能想去东京或者巴黎
[14:44.98]I probably want to be in Argentina.
[14:44.98]我可能想去阿根廷
[14:48.40]Argentina?
[14:48.40]阿根廷?
[14:49.36]Or Tokyo or Paris.
[14:49.36]或者是东京 巴黎
[14:52.52]We have an expiration date, don't we?
[14:52.52]我们的感情总会走到尽头 对吗?
[14:55.04]Oh,my God.
[14:55.04]哦 天啊
[14:56.05]Lily,you can't manipulate people like that!
[14:56.05]Lily 你不能这样操纵别人!
[14:59.25]I - I've known you 12 years, and I can honestly say, I have never been more furious at you!
[14:59.25]我认识你12年 老实说 从没这样生过你的气!
[15:03.46]- Look,I didn't mean to...I was just... - No! I don't even want to hear it!
[15:03.46]- 听着 我并不是有意...我只是... - 不! 我不想再听了!
[15:07.38]Settle down! Let's just settle down!
[15:07.38]冷静! 咱先冷静一下!
[15:09.39]Now,I have one question.
[15:09.39]现在 让我来问个问题
[15:11.82]What do these bad boys feel like in bed?
[15:11.82]这身衣服在床上穿是什么感觉?
[15:13.38]Come on. Let's go see.
[15:13.38]来吧 咱们进去试试看
[15:15.92]So,if it weren't for you, Ted and I might still be dating?
[15:15.92]那么 如果不是因为你 我和Ted可能还在继续拍拖?
[15:19.55]Or you would have stayed together far too long,
[15:19.55]或者是你们俩一起待得太久待到腻烦
[15:22.43]had an incredibly bitter breakup and not even remained friends,
[15:22.43]变成更痛苦的分手 不能再做好友
[15:26.37]and then you and I would never have become best friends.
[15:26.37]这样你我就不能成为好朋友了
[15:29.88]Don't even say that. Okay?
[15:29.88]别这么说 好吗?
[15:32.79]Stop hugging!
[15:32.79]不许抱!
[15:34.38]Lily,you had no right to interfere in my relationships.
[15:34.38]Lily 你无权干涉我的情感生活
[15:38.64]You got lucky. Okay?
[15:38.64]你很幸运 对吧?
[15:39.70]You met the love of your life in a dorm hallway when you were 18.
[15:39.70]你18岁就在宿舍走廊里遇到了一生的挚爱
[15:43.14]But that doesn't give you the right to play God
[15:43.14]但这并不意味着赋予你权利来扮演上帝
[15:44.87]to the rest of us mortals down here who are still looking for someone.
[15:44.87]来向我们这些仍在苦命寻找的凡人施恩
[15:48.37]You're so concerned about who you and Marshall are gonna end up on that front porch with.
[15:48.37]你太在乎你和Marshall最后 会和谁在那前廊玩牌了
[15:51.70]Well,you know what?
[15:51.70]你知道吗?
[15:53.50]You can have it to yourselves.
[15:53.50]你留着你的想象吧
[16:00.76]What happened to your jacket?
[16:00.76]你的外套怎么了?
[16:02.03]Oh,soot,bread crumbs, placenta.
[16:02.03]哦 沾了些烟灰 面包屑 胎盘
[16:05.45]Did you at least TiVo it?
[16:05.45]你真一点没看节目啊?
[16:09.99]So you're this comfy every night, and Lily still has sex with you?
[16:09.99]你每晚都穿得那么舒服 而且还有Lily陪你嘿咻?
[16:14.16]Yeah. That's what marriage is all about,man,unconditional love.
[16:14.16]对 这就是婚姻 伙计 无条件的爱
[16:17.51]You can wear whatever you want and still get laid.
[16:17.51]你爱穿什么都可以 还可以上床
[16:21.01]Tell me more about being married.
[16:21.01]多给我讲点结婚的事
[16:23.65]Well,sometimes, when you're married,
[16:23.65]有时 你结婚了以后
[16:26.33]you wake up to the smell of breakfast already on the table.
[16:26.33]你被餐桌上早餐的香味馋醒
[16:29.47]- And coffee,too? - And coffee,too.
[16:29.47]- 还有咖啡? - 还有咖啡
[16:31.89]Sometimes,she'll even put out a vase of freshly cut flowers.
[16:31.89]有时 她还会摆上一瓶鲜花
[16:36.82]I love flowers.
[16:36.82]我爱花
[16:39.95]And sometimes, when you're worried you've made all the wrong decisions in life
[16:39.95]那么有时  当你担心自己一生都是个错误
[16:43.52]and you're not nearly the man you want to be, what does she do then?
[16:43.52]你不喜欢现在的自己 她会怎么做?
[16:47.62]Well, she tells you that you're great and it's all gonna be okay.
[16:47.62]她会安慰说你很棒 一切都会好的
[16:52.25]That's wonderful.
[16:52.25]太美妙了
[16:54.98]And she'll help you find other girls to have sex with?
[16:54.98]她会帮你找别的妞儿来上床吗?
[17:01.96]I mean,I guess.
[17:01.96]我猜会吧
[17:03.35]Maybe if you agreed upon that beforehand,yeah.
[17:03.35]如果你们之前有过协议的话
[17:08.16]Little guy had a big day.
[17:08.16]小家伙今天累坏了
[17:10.71]We'll talk about it tomorrow.
[17:10.71]咱们明天再聊吧
[17:12.38]Sweet dreams,slugger.
[17:12.38]做个美梦 伙计
[17:29.16]The next night,I was still angry at your aunt Lily.
[17:29.16]第二晚 我还在生你们Lily阿姨的气
[17:31.92]Until...
[17:31.92]直到...
[17:35.70]What are you...
[17:35.70]你在...
[17:39.70]Lily came by and explained everything.
[17:39.70]Lily过来把一切都讲清楚了
[17:42.31]And she gave me this note for you.
[17:42.31]她让我把这封信给你
[17:49.33]"Ted,I'm sorry.
[17:49.33]Ted 对不起
[17:50.92]"It doesn't matter to me who you marry.
[17:50.92]你跟谁结婚 对于我都没关系
[17:53.34]"I know they'll be awesome because they'll think you are.
[17:53.34]我知道她们会很棒 因为她们认为你很棒
[17:57.20]"To show I mean it,I put together a little surprise "for you and Karen upstairs.
[17:57.20]为表歉意  我在楼上为你和Karen搞了点小惊喜
[18:01.80]Love,Lily."
[18:01.80]爱你的 Lily
[18:03.16]"P.S.Sorry the envelope was already open.
[18:03.16]另:很抱歉信封被拆开了
[18:05.93]"I had to read what she wrote. Marshall."
[18:05.93]我必须得读读她给你写了什么  Marshall
[18:09.69]Sabotaging our relationship?
[18:09.69]想破坏我们的关系?
[18:11.54]I got to say,even using the specially-ordered extra-low bar by which I judge your friends,
[18:11.54]我要说 即使用最弱的特殊标准来评定 你的这个朋友
[18:16.76]Lily really outdid herself this time.
[18:16.76]Lily这次也做得太过分了
[18:18.97]Obviously,we can't ever see her again.
[18:18.97]显然 我们不要再见她了
[18:21.38]I know. It's a big loss,right?
[18:21.38]我知道 这对你是个大损失 对吧?
[18:28.35]Hey,rember your old college roommate?
[18:28.35]嘿 记得你的大学老同学吗?
[18:31.32]He was married to that shrill little idiot girl.
[18:31.32]他跟一个聒噪的白痴女孩结婚了
[18:35.25]Marshall. Oh,it's been so long.
[18:35.25]Marshall 哦 已经这么久远的事了
[18:39.26]God,I hated him.
[18:39.26]天啊 我恨他
[18:41.56]Anyway,here's his obituary.
[18:41.56]这是他的讣闻
[18:45.69]And I realized, maybe it shouldn't matter what my friends think of my girlfriend,
[18:45.69]然后我意识到 也许我的朋友们 怎么看待我的女友并不重要
[18:49.81]but it sure as hell matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends.
[18:49.81]但我女友如何看待我的朋友却很重要
[18:54.69]- So you ended it? - Yeah.
[18:54.69]- 所以你跟她分手了? - 对
[18:58.58]So if you want to be my plus one, Lily's a damn good cook.
[18:58.58]你想不想做我约会的另一半 Lily厨艺不错
[19:03.57]Beef pot pie, mac and cheese, homemade buttermilk biscuits.
[19:03.57]牛肉锅饼 Mac和奶酪 国产牛奶饼干
[19:07.77]Well, no wonder Marshall dies at 68.
[19:07.77]哇 怪不得Marshall68岁就呜呼了
[19:12.71]Thank you.
[19:12.71]谢谢
[19:14.14]So,Robin and I enjoyed a gourmet dinner.
[19:14.14]所以 Robin和我享受了一次美妙的晚餐
[19:16.80]Well,for her it was breakfast.
[19:16.80]对她来说是早餐
[19:18.66]And we ended up doing exactly what Lily wanted us to do all along:
[19:18.66]然后我们最后做到了 Lily一直希望我们做的事:
[19:22.41]we talked about our relationship.
[19:22.41]我们谈论彼此的感情
[19:25.42]- So,Lily broke us up,sort of. - Yeah.
[19:25.42]- 那么 可以说 是Lily使得我们分手的 - 没错
[19:30.74]- Kind of makes you wonder. - Yeah.
[19:30.74]- 使得你不得不想 - 没错
[19:33.74]I mean,if it weren't for her, would we still be dating right now?
[19:33.74]我是说 如果不是她 我们还会继续约会吗?
[19:38.62]Maybe.
[19:38.62]也许
[19:41.40]But Lily was right. We weren't ready.
[19:41.40]但Lily是对的 我们还没准备好
[19:44.55]We both need to move on, do our own thing.
[19:44.55]我们需要各自努力 去完成自己的事业
[19:48.12]Still do,I guess.
[19:48.12]现在也在努力之中 我猜
[19:52.42]We should make a pact.
[19:52.42]咱俩做个约定吧
[19:54.50]If the years go by, and we both turn 40, and we're still single...
[19:54.50]时光流逝 如果到我们40岁的时候 都还单身...
[20:05.74]Robin Scherbatsky...
[20:05.74]Robin Scherbatsky...
[20:08.26]will you be my backup wife?
[20:08.26]你是否愿意成为我备用的妻子?
[20:11.45]A girl always dreams of hearing those words.
[20:11.45]女孩子都梦想着听到这些话
[20:13.81]Yes! Yes! A million times,yes!
[20:13.81]愿意! 愿意! 一百万次的愿意!
[20:24.56]- All right,it's a deal. - Yeah.
[20:24.56]- 好了 就算是个约定了 - 没错
[20:27.96]So,should we set up some ground rules for this?
[20:27.96]那么 我们是不是要约法三章啊?
[20:30.06]Okay,like what?
[20:30.06]好的 比如呢?
[20:30.80]I don't know. Like neither one of us can get super fat. Stuff like that.
[20:30.80]我也不知道 比如我们不能有谁 变成大肥猪了诸如此类的
[20:33.78]Okay,I only have one: you can't wear a nightshirt.
[20:33.78]好吧 我只有一条:  你不能穿那种男式长睡衣
[20:36.29]- I will never wear a nightshirt. - Thank God.
[20:36.29]- 我绝不会穿长睡衣的 - 谢天谢地
[20:56.57]Never mind.
[20:56.57]还是算了
[20:58.81]No!
[20:58.81]不!